I started feeling sick a month ago, now. First it was a sore throat— always the harbinger of my winter viruses. Then the brain fog that makes me ask myself questions like “Why is ‘un-derstand’ a word, but ‘derstand’ isn’t?” And finally the muscle weakness and fatigue that sets me on my couch for hours at a time, watching Newhart on loop. It was time to get serious about getting better: it was time to go to the pharmacy.

For most Americans, that means a quick stop for some Sudafed or a longer trip to the doctor for a prescription. For almost 5 million of us, it means stopping by the local drug store for something deemed gentler and more “natural” by the alternative medicine community: homeopathy. So I thought I would experiment a little and try to cure my illness with Coldcalm, a popular homeopathic cold remedy available at my local Rite Aid, and manufactured by Boiron Laboratories, the largest homeopathic peddler in the world. Knowing my symptoms would normally improve in four to seven days, I thought, if I felt better any sooner, I would give some credence to the medicine’s potential power. Here’s what actually happened…