Bereavement

Keep remembering to take deep breaths.

Grief and stress can start making a person hold their breath waiting for whatever else will happen.

Also, it helps me to realize that whatever pain I feel for those I have lost is a badge of honor, that the love was THAT important that it hurts so much. So I feel it and take it in as much as I can for a moment or two then exhale and move on. Cry if I need to for ME because I was the one left behind to deal.

Some days I even set a timer and allow myself to feel sorry for myself. I made it less than 5 minutes one time before I started laughing at myself, which I considered a win anyway. By doing a timer though, I validate the feeling and can let it go instead of having it bubble below the surface without my express knowledge or permission.

I still have my 2nd husband, so my grief is somewhat different. Parents died when I was in my 20's. But when the 1st marriage resulted in him trying to kill me, I had to move on. Death of a marriage isn't same as death of a beloved spouse.

I STILL wrote letters to him that I would later rip up, because obviously, though I needed to say something to him, I didn't need his response. It was just that habit of reaching out helped me sort my thoughts. Unlocked me from my fear of "being alone" then I could find someone who really wanted to listen and be helpful.

I STILL reach out to my parent's spirits because who they WERE in my life was/is still valid. I don't always get "comfort" but it seems my "perspective" can get some clarity and I consider solutions I might not have thought about if I hadn't moved out of my own thoughts toward them.

Anyway, take any thing that is helpful out of this or maybe you will find some little traditions of your own that work to help you breathe in the peace of simple moments and feel the pain so it allows you to move through it and onto a life that allows more and more joy as the days between the loss accumulate.

And as loved and supported as you felt, he is DEFINITELY proud of you. How could he not be?

You are surviving a horrible type of grief and reaching out so you can live again in a new paradigm.