Bereavement

It was not a sudden death but unexpected all the same. My heart goes out to you and I KNOW how difficult this time is. Some things I have learnt this last year if I might share?
Every anniversary first date, first kiss, xmas, bdays, etc et al are going to hurt like a bitch, but you will get through them.
You will feel sad all the time, but sadness is OK.
Your timeline for grief belongs to you and you alone, only YOU will know when you ready to reengage with the world - nobody else gets to have an opinion
Find some soothing tools and keep them around - a favourite smell - I and the flat smell of coconut all the time because that is a smell I find soothing, or a taste, or a picture, anything that gives you a hug really.
I still see him everywhere over a year later, I just give him a wave and say hi - it is good he is still around, I would hate it if he ever left.
Sometimes staying in bed all day and being with your sadness is perfectly fine
Distraction is not a dirty word. It is OK to be with your sadness and go shopping, or watch a silly movie, or binge on netflix etc, just to escape for a minute.
One day - and this has only happened very recently for me, I find myself accepting friends invitations to dinner, or the theatre and laughing and enjoying myself for the first time in a long time, and I know if is he is looking down he is saying - what took you so long! And I reply it is my grief, I will manage it the way I need to! I miss him terribly everyday, but you learn to live with the sadness, and not in a bad way.

Oh and if you can afford it, Therapy! I swear I have paid my Therapists mortgage this year, but 6 months after my SO's death, when I was STUCK, I decided to invest in a Clinical Psychologist, best money I ever spent.