Coping with Divorce or Separation

And she's just over 50 herself, so she should be working. Not because you're an awful man who won't support his wife, perhaps his soon-to-be ex, but because she should be earning her own money, saving for her own retirement, building her own social security.

Chances are the kids know what's going on more than you think. They've seen your quiet misery over time. A divorce does not need to be expensive, at least the process of divorcing, and your financial obligation to your ex will be a function of what state you live in. Research it. Uncontested divorces, especially if there's little property to divide or the division is amicable, don't have too huge a cost for that part of it. If you're going to be paying child or spousal support, that's another thing entirely.

I do sympathize. It's not easy under the best of circumstances, and it sounds as if your situation is less than ideal.

Because I had stayed out of the workforce for nearly 25 years, when I was first divorced I was horrified to see what my ultimate SS check would be, no matter when I started collecting. Then I went back to work, and even though I did not earn a great deal of money, I started wiping out some of the many years I'd had zero income. SS is figured on your 35 years of highest pay, which is an important thing to know. Before very long, my SS payout doubled, at whatever point I'd take it. Wow.

I also need to clarify the conditions that allow a person to collect a divorced spouse benefit. You must have been married at least ten years. If you've been divorced at least two years, and have reached your full retirement age (FRA), and your spouse is at least 62, you can simply file for the benefit. I just did that this morning. The benefit is half of what the spouse's full benefit would be at his or her FRA. Do not file for your own benefit early, instead file for your full benefit (assuming it's greater than the divorced spouse one) at age 70. I think the nice people at the Social Security Administration may simply make that switch when you turn 70 without your needing to do anything. I was pleasantly surprised to learn how much I'd be getting, and it looks as if my claim will be retro-active six months, which will be a tidy sum. My ex has just turned 62, so this month is the earliest I could have filed.

I know this is all confusing, you're a good decade away from any of this, but hopefully this will resurface in your mind when it's needed.