History of Feminism

is probably NOT the place to hang out, if you "don't want to argue with anyone".

Especially GD simply IS the place for an argument.

(No, it isn't.)

(Yes, it is.)

And people, being human, are often passionate about their arguments and positions, and often unable to avoid the personal.

If we are arguing about the validity of "Statement X" it would be nice to avoid arguments that then shift into an argument, not about statement X, but about "people" who believe one thing or another ABOUT statement X.

Suddenly then it is

"People who believe X is true are misogynists" and/or
"People who believe X is false are misandrists"

And, of course, it is easy enough to perhaps unintentionally say something which is a sweeping generalization about various groups, and then have staunch defenders of said group "call you out on it". Some people seem to live for the "calling out".

Which, in theory, is fine, even great. Certainly some untruths and harmful ideologies NEED to be called out. The trouble is that most often a "call out" slides right past the actual statement and goes to the personal. The attitude is NOT

"You are OK, but what you said is NOT true." or
"You are OK, but what you said is NOT nice"

it is instead

"What you said is NOT true, so you are NOT OK"
"What you said is NOT nice, so you are NOT OK."

Granted, I am perhaps slipping into the "transactional psychology" books that I read as a college freshman (not for a class, just because I read a lot). And that passing fad of the 1970s is now passe, debunked perhaps and discarded.

But I think there may be some wisdom there. That our battles on DU, often escalate because the warriors are coming from the "I am OK, and you are NOT OK" perspective.

Well, if a person is attacked like that, then logically they HAVE to double down, and dig in and fight like hell. Not just to prove that they were right all along, but to prove that they are OK.

In fact, in your OP here, you are advancing an even worse perspective. You seem to say "I am NOT OK, you are NOT OK". That you are a d-bag arguing with other d-bags.

See, I know, and admit, that I myself am NOT a perfect person, but I do NOT, because of that, see myself as a d-bag or a$$hat. My line (from Splash) is "I'm a nice guy, really. If I had friends, you could ask them."

Perhaps others, who see me through their own eyes, can quickly re-assure me. "Yes, hfojvt, you ARE in fact, in actual practice, an a$$hat, even a world-class a$$hat. Dude, if there was an Olympics for a$$hats, you'd get a gold medal in the decathalon."

And they might even have a collection of links available to back up that assertion. For which my feeble defense might be, well, when one wades into a moshe pit amongst the hurled elbows, one learns, or gets motivated to throw some elbows in return.

Meaning, I can certainly lose my cool in the right circumstances. But if that happens, am I an OK guy who lost his cool, or am I an a$$hat who is showing his true colors?

I give myself, and most others, the benefit of the doubt.