History of Feminism

I think this is very true. To many men I have met, control and "manly" posturing are a game. Very few will admit that they think they deserve to control women; yet it is clearly just under the surface in their attitudes and actions. Their interest in power over women comes from a real belief in male superiority, but it doesn't make it into their conscious thoughts.

When they do inevitably attempt to assert control, it is done in a "playful" manner, though the results may be anything but. I think it's the result of years of ingrained cultural mores that are not openly expressed. These men are often abusive and switch between helpless and aggressive (though aggresive isn't the word I am looking for), much like you describe your brother here. They enjoy playing the strong "man of the house", but they are aware that they cannot be that.

I also think that there is some element of compensation, as JackpineRadical mentioned. They're aware of their own inadequecies, but they try to hide it through playing a game of control, asserting their rights as males.

I could easily be way off base in a lot of this, but it's what I've noticed. I hope that your family's situation eases at some point; you're a hell of a strong woman, and you inspire me.