ADD/ADHD

I have ADD but have only been on meds for the last 8 years or so. There is a big difference in my life, although many would not know it. What I have found out is what triggers my specific problems, and even that took me a while.

One of the big problems is that ADD is usually inherited from one of the parents, who also face the similar problems but have been able to mask the more destructive ones. When you have ADD you have poor impulse control, I didn't realize that until a few years ago. It would have been nice to know before I ran up credit card debt. I also have poor organizational skills, it's not that I don't want to be organized, it that when I run into something that can't be put in a particular slot, I gave up. I did find however that when I found a 'home' for something, it ALWAYS got put back where it belonged. It's the finding it's home that is the problem for me, because it has to make sense.

So, here are my recommendations:

Make a rigid schedule, then there are no decisions that have to be made.
If a decision has to be made, by a child, give no more than 3 choices.
Use timers for video games, even if you have to put a timer on the device itself.
Never put up with a tantrum, the child must know what 'punishment' will be forthcoming in that event.
Let the choice of 'punishment' be up to the child, remember only 3 choices.
Make sure that you have places for things, it will encourage the child to clean up after themselves.
Never reward for acceptable behavior, only for good and beyond.
Make a list of treats for the child and only have 3 of them at any one time.

I hope you see a pattern. The schedule is so that they know exactly what's coming and what to expect, they don't have to wander around in their head, or race around depending on how they experience their form of ADD. The 3 choices is so they feel like they have SOME control in their lives. Taking an ADD kid to a Baskin Robbins is torture for the ADD kid and the parent. You can even let them pick what the family will have for supper one day a week, again only 3 choices. For some kids, 3 choices may even be too much and you may have to limit it to 2 choices, but they DO need to be able to make choices. Making choices will let the child feel that they have some control and when they are out of parental control they will have to make choices in life.

People with ADD have thoughts traveling through their minds at unbelievable speed. This is why video games can affect them so much. For all the action that is going on, video games have rules, and once those rules are found out, the game goes much smoother. My son used to cry and get so angry at a game that I couldn't understand why he would want to play it. It turns out he was looking for the rules, and when he couldn't find them, he would get frustrated. Of course, if didn't help that he had physical problems that prevented him from always following the rules, but his eyesight and co-ordination got better through the playing of these games.

I didn't understand it at the time, but we all look to find the rules in life. The problem is that with ADD it takes much longer to find them, if we can identify them. Having a life coach for me would probably help me tremendously, but it may be too late for that. For a child, it's the parents job to be the life coach.

For a child that has been out of control, you can't just slam on the brakes and change EVERYTHING in their lives right now. Start slowly and keep adding things. Let's take video games, you could say that they have 1 hour to play their game and set a timer, now let them make the decision, that when the timer goes off, what should happen, should they turn off the game, should the parent turn off the game or should the game be turned off by itself. If they pick themselves, as a parent walk in the room and see what they do, if they don't turn it off, the parent can. The child has already agreed to the rule and if gets angry they should be reminded that they agreed. If it turns out that the video game can't be controlled by a human, put it on a timer so that it will turn off automatically. But, by all means, give the child a chance to follow the rules before you bypass them. Don't overwhelm them with rule changes too fast, they are learning new things just like a baby. Use your judgement on how fast or slow to take it, if the video game rule (or any other rule) sits well with them, go on to the next rule. You are preparing them for living life with a society that does not understand or condone bad behavior.

Oh, and ADD people usually don't like surprises, they like to know what is coming at them so they can figure out how to deal with it. So if you are going to change a rule or schedule, even if it a good thing, let them know as soon as possible so you don't get a bad reaction.

I would never want my ADD to be cured. It really is a gift when controlled. I can think of how to do something in so many different ways, some really wild. I am always ready to take on new things, change doesn't bother me.

Z