My depression is ramping up. [View all]

My ptsd symptoms are getting worse. I do not want to live anymore if this whole country becomes a republican autocracy. But I will fight as hard as I can and take as many of the trash as I can to their graves with me.

I am losing hope. I fear for the future. Trump is gonna get away and dark money is greasing the skids into a very dark future.
It's scary so many narcissistic monsters are cheering autocrats as we all slide down into the pit. I wish Biden would get some prosecutions going and get some oligarchies in jail. Wish he could do something effective to make it stop.Find who funds republicans, out their sources , expose the agendas of think tanks and funders. I know he can't do that. Well the republicans could care less about laws.Dont give me the higher ground and all that shit.

There is a breakdown in this country,we have a fatally flawed constitution and we are becoming lawless because of it. This coup has been happening for decades. I feel so helpless to stop it. So alone. Republicans rig the vote yet no one arrests them for it. They just tie up the courts and stack the courts so nothing gets done about it.They are doing crimes in broad daylight and getting away with it. Republicans have declared war against this country and the Dems as far as I can tell are still acting like its no big deal they seem so ineffective. When are the kid gloves gonna come off? When will the denial break? When will they be made to pay for what they've done.When will these fuckers ever be put in Jail?

My therapist gets miffed if I tell her why republicans are the problem and say that they are traitors, she tsks tsks me. It pisses me off. I let her have it with both barrels after she does that shit its disrespectful.. I asked her outright if she votes republican or supports them.She evades the question. I tell her that knowing that answer is vital to me working with her. I can't trust her unless I know where she stands.

The program I go to requires I get therapy at the program. If they hire a trauma therapist I will demand I am her client. But until then I know which staff are republican and I just get so disgusted with them,their arrogance is disgusting. One staff claimed masks were a personal choice while the program requires we mask up, I let her have it and told her why going maskless isNOT a personal choice and why.. But there are also some staff there like my social worker who is as liberal and aware as I am.I love her to death,and I trust her,more.

The stress of all this gets too much to bear sometimes. Most of the time I can't articulate it like I can now. I cannot stand republicans and I feel the stench wafting off the repug staff by subtle shit they say and how they treat people. I feel like I am breathing poison air around some of them. I really don't want to be polite to them or "respect their beliefs". I want to shred their beliefs and and expose them..for what they are. I wanna call them out on THEIR behavior. I know what I feel here its not just in my head,Other liberal clients mention it too. The pressure is bad.Then there is my upstairs neighbor with the kid banging.It triggers the shit out of my ptsd. been tolerating it but my anxiety is going nuts.Have nightmares again.My Psydoc just upped my prazosin. The vilagence is interfering with my sleep again.Been losing time.I feel trapped. Then there is Ukraine. It makes me feel petty for talking about this compared to what they are going through.Thanks for listening to me Y'all. BTW I watch the good shows like Don Lemon Ari etc. They help me feel safer by letting me know what's going on I would rather know than not know. A news blackout would be worse for me than watching.It's how my trauma works.