Really sadly today [View all]

I should be so happy. My girlfriend had a really successful booth this weekend at our local con. She has a lot of artwork, crafts and such up with the help of her dad and me taking 2 days off to help her sell most of her DnD made crafts and such. She even won first place for her art piece she submitted. I'm extremely proud of her to come back from the rough life she had just a few years prior.

But I'm sad. Just very sad. Shes very aspirational and this is her career in art and photography. And she constantly asks me to follow my dreams and hobbies to do the same. But realistically that's not possible. I'm not a good writer despite writing a fucking novel basically on my computer. Short stories here and there. Doing restorations and woodworking time to time to do something. Realistically my dreams are pretty much dead.

I realised that today after all this. She will continue to do what she loves and I work at a call center wasting away my sanity for assholes who can't do a simple thing online.

All and all I had to sneak off and just cry. I actually really do hate my life with no idea how to change it. And I feel suicide is not even an option now because I'm heavily involved in her life and her daughters life now so it would be incredibly selfish to just die.

I dread going to work tomorrow. Back to my dead end job and stagnant life. But they want me to come to dinner and I don't know if I can put a facade on for them. I'm mentally drained. I just wanna scream.