I feel so empty [View all]

So last Thursday I kind of hit a mental break and what I mean by that is I completely broke. After my post I just went hysterical and broke down crying and just wanted to die. The hate against people like me it's just becoming way too overbearing to handle anymore. Simply turning off the news doesn't make it go away.

My mom wanted to get me away from any weapons I can get my hands on because I do own guns and I usually probably would have done it given the state I was in but she kept me away from the safe. She called 911 because it was getting pretty bad and I ended up sitting with paramedics for a bit before they took me to the hospital. Finally was able to calm down in the ER and they asked if I would be fine with being taken for a 72 hour voluntary hold. Which I was fine with. I had a long weekend reflecting on my life and hearing horror stories about other LGBTQ people that have been in and out of that place.

I was out about Sunday evening. And here I am still alive but I am no longer to take a gun anymore for safety reasons.

But I'm lifeless. I feel no happiness or hope. I might have bought time for now before the inevitable happens. But I'm expecting no good ending anymore. I've started drinking a lot more to keep myself numb from the shitty reality that I face.

People have no clue what it is like to be trans outside of others like me. While those are distracted by trans women in sports. They laid the groundwork to make genocide a-okay because they found a wedge issue everyone could somewhat around upon. Basically giving a thumbs up for laws to erase us.

When the time comes. I'll happily erase myself before they can.