If you're not getting therapy, please consider it.
Did docs at hospital put you on anti-depressants? If so, please be consistent with taking them. They can take a couple of weeks to work. And, while meds won't change any circumstances in your life, they can lift the fog of depression & reduce anxiety so you are able to think clearly, function, & begin enjoying your life again.
I know at one time, you talked about you & mom moving out of that red hellhole. Are you still considering that as a possibility? If not, maybe this is a good time to reconsider doing so. To a much more lgbtq-friendly place. MI just passed a bunch of Dem backed laws & Chicago is lgbtq friendly. They have a great Pride parade in June each year. There are many lgbtq recreational sports teams you could join, there is an lgbtq band you could be involved with. People travel from all over to get to take part in Pride there & just be with others of like mind & lifestyle.
And I'm sure there are other places you could move where you would fit in better & be happy!
One thing is certain, V: if you end your life, you will not have an opportunity to be happy.
We value you, V. I can only begin to imagine how horrid it is for you to live in that red helhole, but I can definitely imagine you living in a beautiful Blue bubble, a life filled with friends & laughter & joy!