Humor

oldcynic

(385 posts)

87. How do you tell the difference between and elephant and a grape?

Fri Apr 14, 2017, 07:03 PM

Apr 2017

A grape is purple, silly.

Why do ducks have flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 OP

Oh, that have one of those now krispos42 Dec 2011 #1

great leaftie Aug 2012 #47

An old fruit joke melonkali Dec 2011 #2

*gurgle* dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #3

Rasins CHIMO Dec 2011 #4

ducks like raisins........... dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #5

A grasshopper walks into a bar... TeamPooka Aug 2012 #40

Somehow I always hear it as "Oiving" dixiegrrrrl Aug 2012 #41

kick samsingh Jan 2013 #68

Ha! I like it! nt valerief Jul 2012 #32

My 10 year old had used that joke for Halloween 'trick' for the last 2 years! It STILL has legs,,,, benld74 Dec 2011 #6

Guess what? Iggo Dec 2011 #7

!!! MiddleFingerMom Apr 2012 #26

not chicken butt? Tunkamerica Aug 2012 #46

Hä? leaftie Aug 2012 #48

yes? Tunkamerica Aug 2012 #49

How do you make a handkerchief dance? Scuba Dec 2011 #8

Very good! dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #9

I posted in on DU years ago. Kurovski Dec 2011 #10

Good one! nt valerief Jul 2012 #33

A neutron goes into a bar and orders a drink. UrbScotty Dec 2011 #11

*giggle* dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #12

two atoms bump into each other on the sidewalk and fall down AlecBGreen Dec 2011 #13

I love the atom and neutron jokes. nt valerief Jul 2012 #34

what is black and white Whisp Dec 2011 #14

Had NOT heard that version of black/white before, believe it or not. dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #15

another b/w one :) Whisp Dec 2011 #16

Is That True? Oldtimeralso Apr 2012 #28

What's black and white and laughing? UrbScotty Dec 2011 #17

poor froggy faeries Dec 2011 #18

Two muffins are in an oven flying rabbit Dec 2011 #19

Nope. It doesn't. Ha! valerief Jul 2012 #35

Good one there! Waltons_Mtn Oct 2012 #53

.... fizzgig Jan 2013 #78

What's big and purple and swims in the ocean???? dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #20

What's big and white and lays on the bottom of the ocean? Scuba Oct 2012 #56

"Knock knock ..." Auggie Dec 2011 #21

LOL! dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #22

it's interrupting cow. Tunkamerica Aug 2012 #45

A general greetings card I saw dipsydoodle Dec 2011 #23

Lol.. dixiegrrrrl Dec 2011 #24

Two morons go walking in the woods HeiressofBickworth Apr 2012 #25

Ha!!! Love it!!!! nt valerief Jul 2012 #36

This one is over 100 years old. Graybeard Apr 2012 #27

Why don't sharks eat clowns? ahg Jul 2012 #29

hee hee dixiegrrrrl Jul 2012 #30

Why don't sharks eat lawyers? Scuba Oct 2012 #57

A three-year-old told me this one. Callmecrazy Jul 2012 #31

Badda bing! From the mouths of babes with milky lips. nt valerief Jul 2012 #37

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo? benld74 Jul 2012 #38

A man walks into a bar... Mad_Dem_X Aug 2012 #39

This guy REALLY cracks me up Robert Czar Aug 2012 #42

He's got a real knee slapper going there, Bob! MrMickeysMom Oct 2012 #58

With apologies to all my blonde friends... Mac1949 Aug 2012 #43

what's brown and sticky? Tunkamerica Aug 2012 #44

This is my current favorite short joke. Kids AND adults love it... though I usually say... MiddleFingerMom Aug 2012 #50

Silly jokes bring silly smiles MikenGina Aug 2012 #51

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? UrbScotty Sep 2012 #52

And I thought .. left-of-center2012 Oct 2012 #59

Four elderly Jewish women sit down at a bench to take a rest after a hard day. sakabatou Oct 2012 #54

Heard from a Barnard College Student LiberalElite Oct 2012 #55

Here's a better one: What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can’t tuna fish. sakabatou Oct 2012 #60

Zen buddhist walks up to a hot-dog vendor and says "make me one with everything" lumberjack_jeff Oct 2012 #61

I love it!!!! dixiegrrrrl Oct 2012 #62

the buddist hands the vendor a $20 fizzgig Jan 2013 #79

My favorite bad joke for more than 45 years jumptheshadow Oct 2012 #63

And we have chickens! dixiegrrrrl Oct 2012 #64

What is the difference between a cat and a comma? UrbScotty Dec 2012 #65

Nice word play. dixiegrrrrl Dec 2012 #66

Nice one TxDemChem Jan 2013 #69

Dog playing poker dipsydoodle Jan 2013 #67

I've only got dorky jokes, but... TxDemChem Jan 2013 #70

Knock Knock ... Kablooie Jan 2013 #71

What's green and ice skates? TexasBushwhacker Jan 2013 #72

Peggy Pflegm...... dixiegrrrrl Jan 2013 #73

I think you have to be kind of old to get that one TexasBushwhacker Jan 2013 #74

Well, I won't tell you what "kind of" old I am...but I got the joke . dixiegrrrrl Jan 2013 #75

Why did the Punk rocker cross the road? hollysmom Jan 2013 #76

ooookayyy... dixiegrrrrl Jan 2013 #77

What's brown and runs round the back yard? softhearted Feb 2013 #80

Neat one...I was, of course, thinking of a dog. dixiegrrrrl Feb 2013 #81

What was the last thing to go through the fly's mind when it hit the windshield? backtoblue Feb 2013 #82

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2017 #83

Sounds like...Trump? n/t dixiegrrrrl Mar 2017 #84

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2017 #85

Do you know why sharks won't eat Republicans? jmowreader Apr 2017 #86

How do you tell the difference between and elephant and a grape? oldcynic Apr 2017 #87

The duck/elephant joke was one of my favorites dixiegrrrrl Apr 2017 #88

How do you tell if an elephant is hiding in your fridge? oldcynic Apr 2017 #89

The knock knock joke.. talldarkhandsome May 2017 #90

i remember this from 3rd grade ..I was 8 years old... Stuart G May 2017 #91

Wow...that is one I have never heard. dixiegrrrrl May 2017 #92