Writing

I do think there is real and lasting value in these posts. While I eschew false modesty since living on one’s knees (vulgar double entendre contemptuously intended..hey pervert..
🔪🍆🗡️..settle down..based on this one story of pervert in Germany, even that may have a “market”, a final indictment of the market), the reality is that as someone who cannot survive as the past proved in spaces owned by billionaires, their lackeys where unhappy scientists (the depression may have been a projection by my mentor) with the kind of sense of duty that only truly elite parents have are exploited, but not respected.
Not being elite I had no wish to hang around in a place where I knew things would go badly.

It is the time-honed version of the same instincts that bring me here. I am not solipsistic so a blog where I rant into the void with no community, however dubious about Ol’jfz9580m’s future path as a new entrant into these foul frays.

I don’t get into skirmishes with colleagues, my physicians or DUers. But I cannot afford to not be honest anymore.

And since I am filing malpractice, misconduct, harassment charges and a criminal lawsuit in due course or dying trying, I don’t mind unmasking. It still grates on me as a formerly unnatural behavior.
But these are not normal times. What I experienced was ott in ways you cannot comprehend.
You are here today with an understanding of tech that is current. I had a Blackberry when I was thrown into this in 2011 and that purchased grudgingly. I like flipphones, the old internet etc and I will get there eventually because damn everything, I will get back to my field and pick up where I was in 2011, when this happened.

I am not insecure outside my field. Hence, the emergence! of Ol’jfz9580m. Why should I be? i am an honest and decent woman. What is so great about constant low self esteem?
Coupled with chest thumping bullshit.

I derive my self-esteem from the commun sense intelligence that tells me that Apple is a phone company and price gouger, but DU is a community. The only reason I ever dial the sugar down is that I prefer you to remain your combative selves..lol..
I don’t believe that humans can be hectored, bullied and shamed into changing. If anything that is what is wrong.
Because I tried to change like that and I didn’t, but I became someone else. Someone I despised.

I repeat myself a lot and go off on tangents because I am not a gifted writer. Writers and artists face challenges as is with this trash ai. I have loved reading all my life. I do listen to music and watch movies and shows. But I love books. I really love books.
In the end this draconian pushback will have been due to three things: 1) my mom’s death and my finding out last week that the sleazy hospital I tried to believe was an actual institution of care is now owned by Blackstone Inc. Dr Clayton Dalton, someone I respect (the Upaya Zen Centre is kinda weird..strange the things the most unexpected people are into..but hey I am reinventing myself here as a cross between an evangelical preacher and a riff on Ol’ Orlick..who am I to judge..my last mentor was a bit like that..he was this cool scientist..but then who would follow the dalai lama..I found out two years ago that in addition to reading The Atlantic and shockingly admitting to that online, my best friend is a secret poet..you think you know people..it is not a weave! Ulysses rights! I would like text alone to be distinctive enough to convey a human author with no ai or other noxious influence..I pay homage to all my influences on my profile), has written about it. I indentified him as a potential ally in helping some of these idiots in this exit with some grace..I would prefer it that the smallest number of culprits especially in academia/medicine and science ended up implicated. I have even decided to lay off an uncouth nurse whose unprofessionalism made me not realize how gravely ill my mom was. That hospital used to offer reasonable quality care at a decent price prior to the pandemic. Just a year before when I took my mom there it was a respectable hospital and then during the pandemic greed took over and unbelievably yet again, a hospital, with severely ill people like my mom was this disgraceful mess of kayfabe and gaming adjacent behavior. My onc left soon after. I make sure to stay connected with my onc. I would be furious if he or I or my mom’s overworked onc nurse who used to offer us home care as just this nurse my onc works with were calumned by parasites who offer no services or care but just want money. You will notice a theme emerge as this goes on..which about human social contracts and what drives them and what is trash; 2) my one recreation that does not involve mind-altering substances or junk consumption like most internet surfing prior to these last few years and tv; 3) how much harder work became. That one really angered me and for what? This tech parasite driven brain and street mapping. Some prostitutes funded by parasitic basketball billionaires doing brain science and “prison reform” and Zuckerberg’s kept woman? Banging Zuckerberg is no doubt a job and a chore. It is not an immigrant success story.

I won’t add how much harder being healthy became because in fairness my health strategies mostly involve pushing it and trying not to die but with legitimate attempts off and on to be healthy. There is no point is portraying the type of nightmarish type A that measures their own farts with smart underwear at Stanford or records their wet dreams as that pathetic loser Brian Johnson does (that can’t be libel and besides that guy is too stupid to not see any mention as an ad) as the blueprint for health. I would never say there are not healthier behaviors like plant based diets without junk food (the one thing I will stick to) and avoiding alcohol (I am done obstinately protesting AA and sobriety by drearily forcing myself to drink at times..yuck..foul habit with no positives and such a lame and self loathing buzz and a carcinogen. That is probably a better health PSA than anything that ever came out of those reproductive organ based slurs at Stanford..God I hate that type..).


But this is the important point. I remember DU from way back and I will keep apologizing when I grate on DU or anyone nice as chew the scenery and wreak the lord’s vengeance on these parasites.
Because it is unambiguously not you. You got past EarlG/elad/MIRT and I take you on the system of trust. And you have all been influences at some point or other..most of all when you write about your views or human experiences whether I agree or not.
I do tend to skip screenshots from Twitter etc
Those are not people the way you or I are in my book and I mean them no harm, but I don’t see them as a part of my life.
Grassroots and human..distinctly human. Often even the most laconic posters here have distinctive personalities.

The reason I have to say these things is I do feel obligated to..mainly to myself, my mom and dad and my best friend and my ex-husband and my main mentor who is family not a colleague - I was always very fond of him. He is the only person who ever invested in me and so much. He invested in all of us. It is an indictment of America if he leaves and goes to Europe. And finally my onc.

My dad and I have at times had a rocky relationship, but we are very close now.
Ol’jfz9580m gets overloaded by human contact easily. Sadly, my mom leaving us has made me closer to my dad.

The reason I am not a solipsistic narcissist is I do believe in community. I could never sell this unambiguously loathesome and foul experience.
I found Frankenstein’s Monster very relatable.

Because unlike these spooks etc, I always watched the world and used to get angered and frustrated. But I still feel a pang when I hear of someone passing.
And it is also self serving! If that counts!

That means that is one more person gone leaving me with Blackstone Inc, Google etc.
I think earth is overpopulated and I am not anti-natalist never being an extremist. But going forward it is kinda selfish to have more than 2 kids really and cruel to the kids.
We should value and take care of all the humans already on earth before endlessly adding more people.
That aging society stuff is bs.

I have noticed it here in India that where human life is overabundant, human life loses its value and empathy fatigue and resource depletion set in. Only these parasitic hoarders at the top want more and more people beyond the replacement level of fertility (“hum do hamare do…we are two, we have two.,the best PSA the Indian govt ever had and then neoliberal economists who don’t give a shit about humans or earth came in).