Atheists & Agnostics

There's enough religion in the world to make us hate each other, but not enough to make us love each other.

Guilt and fear are necessary for religion to succeed. It sounds like you succumbed to enough of that guilt and fear for five lifetimes. Of course having a father who was a preacher really put you in the religious crucible.

As a child you could never escape it. It was there morning, noon, and night. Most people are only subjected to it at a fraction of your exposure to "god's love". As a female in a male dominated religion you had exponentially more guilt/fear and responsibility heaped upon you.

There's no quick fix for a childhood so damaged by something that is supposed to bring you so much love and joy. It brought you nothing but the direct opposite. I wish you nothing but the best in your future trying to forget your past.