Bereavement

...in the end, life is a privilege when you let it be so.

My mother died 46 years ago, rather horribly I might add, slowly, with her mind severely impaired so that we were unable to forgive one another. I can still touch it whenever I think of it. It never went away.

But the life my mother gave me, the one I wanted to throw away because of the grief, ended up being unbelievably wonderful, after many hard years, many hard choices.

As for the decision weighing on you, there was no right decision, every decision would be wrong, because you are losing someone you love and that can never be right. I learned that when my father died, because I exactly the opposite of what I did when my mother died, and it felt every bit as bad.

Obviously you have known love, because you cannot grieve without love, and you are grieving.

Kahlil Gibran wrote of love as a harvest:

Today you are weeping all of your tears.

Believe me, the time will come when you laugh all of your laughter because you know love.

As for grief, again, you learn to live with it, because in the end, even with all the pain, life is wondrous and magnificent when you let it be so. It is hard to do, to let it be so, but you can do it.

All the best to you...