End of Life Issues

him that he would "die of old age before prostate cancer."

His mother lived to be a spry 94 and we all expected him, as a fully in shape health nut, to live at least to ninety, if not longer.

He didn't take the cancer seriously. He refused surgery and other procedures that most likely would have prolonged his life and given him a death from old age. That's what we all hoped and expected.

But because he decided to listen to one doctor, not a urologist, not an oncologist. It was his cardiologist, a buddy, who by the way, died before he did due to a freak dental procedure accident, that he listened to and believed.

I tried to get him to get another opinion. Even though I have a career history as a direct care medical provider with close to thirty years of experience in acute care, he wouldn't listen.

Just like he didn't listen when I warned him that his wife was planning to commit suicide, which she did try. Though she was unsuccessful, now she suffers from brain damage after being unconscious over eight hours and ventilator dependent for three scary days. He thought I was overreacting and must have been mistaken because "she hadn't mentioned it" to him.

Unfortunately, he just never really had a belief in the intellect of women. Not even those women who are highly educated, like his adopted daughter, me. He just didn't think women are capable of being as intelligent and competent, or as trustworthy, as men.

Well, he died at eighty five. He was too young and I will never forgive his stupid friend, even if he was a doctor. He had no right to be so cavalier with his comments, by speaking on a topic he wasn't qualified to comment on.

Mom sleeps with his ashes and she is slowly fading away, forever missing the sweetheart she depended on for almost seventy years. They were high school sweethearts.

He literally rescued us both from a likely future of poverty and for her, from the stigma that comes with being an unwed mother. He came to get her, finding she had left her first husband. She was pregnant and alone. He adopted me and married her after he graduated and returned from OCS. I believe he saved our lives. If only he had been able to save his own.

Please, don't downplay the risk of prostate cancer. It will invade your lymphatic system and spread to your organs and bones quickly. And always get your advice from more than one physician, those who are in the appropriate field of practice and have extensive experience with excellent references.

I would give anything to have my Daddy here just a little while longer. Even with his faults, he was a great man and I think about him a hundred times a day. I'd give anything to hear him call me "honey" just one more time.

Take the lead from your friend. What an honor it is that he is making time for your visit. It's the most precious thing that we have in the world.

And please, take good care of yourself.

❤pants



End of Life Issues Group post:

https://www.democraticunderground.com/1285768

Bereavement Group post:

https://democraticunderground.com/12343456