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FakeNoose
FakeNoose's Journal
FakeNoose's Journal
June 27, 2025
Today's bonus pic from Andy...
The Borowitz Report: Disaster Strikes Bezos Wedding After Tent from Amazon Basics Collapses
VENICE (The Borowitz Report)—Disaster struck the much-anticipated wedding of Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez on Friday after a tent from Amazon Basics suddenly collapsed.
As news of the canceled nuptials spread, Venetians who had protested the wedding’s presence in their city erupted in jubilation.
“I have never seen the people of Venice so happy,” one longtime resident said. “This was a bigger celebration than Carnevale.”
According to witnesses of the tent collapse, Lauren Sanchez’s face remarkably did not change expressions.
- short article, no more at link -
As news of the canceled nuptials spread, Venetians who had protested the wedding’s presence in their city erupted in jubilation.
“I have never seen the people of Venice so happy,” one longtime resident said. “This was a bigger celebration than Carnevale.”
According to witnesses of the tent collapse, Lauren Sanchez’s face remarkably did not change expressions.
Today's bonus pic from Andy...
June 27, 2025
I live on the North Side and there's an abandoned house in my neighborhood that has been empty and neglected for 20 years. Sheesh! The city could have sold it for taxes long ago but they let it sit there. Now it probably isn't worth much of anything. I'm sure a lot of neighborhoods have similar stories.
Anyone who is willing and able to do their own repairs and rehabs can find many cheap properties in Pittsburgh. It's a do-it-yourselfers dream.
New Pittsburgh housing program looks to eliminate blight, help first-time home buyers
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette link: https://www.post-gazette.com/news/politics-local/2025/06/27/housing-pittsburgh-abandoned-taxes/stories/202506260103
With thousands of abandoned properties under the city’s ownership, Pittsburgh is eyeing a new program that will bring life back into the structures and add much needed tax revenue to bolster its coffers.
The program’s trial run, which won’t officially start until September, includes five homes in the Mt. Washington, Sheraden, Windgap and West End neighborhoods. Some have been empty for decades, but each has provoked the ire of the neighbors with overgrown weeds, crumbling fences and an overall look of abandonment.
The plan is for the city to list those buildings, as is, for interested buyers to fix up. The city sees it as a three-fold win. In addition to the new tax revenue, it will reduce the number of dilapidated city-owned properties and remove barriers to first-time homebuyers.
“It’s targeted to individuals looking to buy a starter home and as we all know the cost of actually purchasing houses keeps increasing and is limiting some people to actually buying a first home,” finance director Jen Gula said during a recent meeting with Pittsburgh City Council. “We’re trying to provide them with another opportunity to do that.”
- more at link -
The program’s trial run, which won’t officially start until September, includes five homes in the Mt. Washington, Sheraden, Windgap and West End neighborhoods. Some have been empty for decades, but each has provoked the ire of the neighbors with overgrown weeds, crumbling fences and an overall look of abandonment.
The plan is for the city to list those buildings, as is, for interested buyers to fix up. The city sees it as a three-fold win. In addition to the new tax revenue, it will reduce the number of dilapidated city-owned properties and remove barriers to first-time homebuyers.
“It’s targeted to individuals looking to buy a starter home and as we all know the cost of actually purchasing houses keeps increasing and is limiting some people to actually buying a first home,” finance director Jen Gula said during a recent meeting with Pittsburgh City Council. “We’re trying to provide them with another opportunity to do that.”
I live on the North Side and there's an abandoned house in my neighborhood that has been empty and neglected for 20 years. Sheesh! The city could have sold it for taxes long ago but they let it sit there. Now it probably isn't worth much of anything. I'm sure a lot of neighborhoods have similar stories.
Anyone who is willing and able to do their own repairs and rehabs can find many cheap properties in Pittsburgh. It's a do-it-yourselfers dream.
June 26, 2025
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-warns-if-he-does-not-win-nobel
The Borowitz Report: Trump Warns if He Does Not Win Nobel Peace Prize He Will Bomb Norway
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-warns-if-he-does-not-win-nobel
THE HAGUE (The Borowitz Report)—Raising eyebrows on the final day of the NATO summit, Donald J. Trump said on Wednesday that if he is not awarded the Nobel Peace Prize he will bomb Norway.
Warning Norway against “treating me very unfairly,” Trump argued that he deserved the Peace Prize for “dropping a million bombs on Iran.”
He demanded that Norway “hand over the Peace Prize or be obliterated,” adding, “If you Norwegian fuckers fuck with me, you will be fucking fucked.”
- short article, no more at link -
Warning Norway against “treating me very unfairly,” Trump argued that he deserved the Peace Prize for “dropping a million bombs on Iran.”
He demanded that Norway “hand over the Peace Prize or be obliterated,” adding, “If you Norwegian fuckers fuck with me, you will be fucking fucked.”
June 23, 2025
Link: https://www.jefftiedrich.com/p/this-is-going-to-be-the-stupidest
Tiedrich is just getting warmed up! Please read the rest on "Everyone is entitled to my own opinion."
Today's Tiedrich: this is going to be the stupidest war ever
Link: https://www.jefftiedrich.com/p/this-is-going-to-be-the-stupidest
good lord, America’s newest war isn’t even two days old and already it’s a fucktangle of idiocy.
the Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse were all over the Sunday shows, doing what they do best: bragging about Dear Leader’s imaginary accomplishments and saying the dumbest fucking shit imaginable.
let us review the atrocities. ... the last time our country got clownfucked into pointless wars, the vice president was the sneering embodiment of evil, straight out of central casting — a guy who literally had no heartbeat, and who got the poor schnook he shot in the face to apologize for getting in the way.
this time, the veep is just some doughy pantload. let’s listen as Mister Heartbeat Away fields the question, ‘what advice are you giving Donald Trump?’
Length 0:49, closed captions available
“the advice that I’m giving him is, ‘sir, trust your instincts.’ he’s got the best instincts of any president I’ve ever seen, of any political leader I’ve ever seen.”
- more at link -
the Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse were all over the Sunday shows, doing what they do best: bragging about Dear Leader’s imaginary accomplishments and saying the dumbest fucking shit imaginable.
let us review the atrocities. ... the last time our country got clownfucked into pointless wars, the vice president was the sneering embodiment of evil, straight out of central casting — a guy who literally had no heartbeat, and who got the poor schnook he shot in the face to apologize for getting in the way.
this time, the veep is just some doughy pantload. let’s listen as Mister Heartbeat Away fields the question, ‘what advice are you giving Donald Trump?’
Length 0:49, closed captions available
“the advice that I’m giving him is, ‘sir, trust your instincts.’ he’s got the best instincts of any president I’ve ever seen, of any political leader I’ve ever seen.”
Tiedrich is just getting warmed up! Please read the rest on "Everyone is entitled to my own opinion."
June 23, 2025
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/scientists-believe-marco-rubio-is
The Borowitz Report: Scientists Believe Marco Rubio is Gradually Vanishing
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/scientists-believe-marco-rubio-is
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a worrisome finding issued Monday, scientists revealed that they believe Secretary of State Marco Rubio is gradually vanishing.
Davis Logsdon, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who has been monitoring Rubio’s steady diminution, said that, if measurements are correct, the Secretary of State is disappearing at a faster rate than the polar ice caps.
“We first sounded the alarm about this during the Oval Office meeting with Volodymyr Zelenskyy back in February,” Logsdon said. “Either Rubio was getting smaller, or the sofa he was sitting on was getting bigger.”
“Like Pluto, Rubio needs to be reclassified,” the scientist added. “Henceforth we will call him Littler Marco.”
= short article, no more at link -
Davis Logsdon, a scientist at the University of Minnesota who has been monitoring Rubio’s steady diminution, said that, if measurements are correct, the Secretary of State is disappearing at a faster rate than the polar ice caps.
“We first sounded the alarm about this during the Oval Office meeting with Volodymyr Zelenskyy back in February,” Logsdon said. “Either Rubio was getting smaller, or the sofa he was sitting on was getting bigger.”
“Like Pluto, Rubio needs to be reclassified,” the scientist added. “Henceforth we will call him Littler Marco.”
June 22, 2025
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-sends-barron-to-podiatrist
Historic context is that Chump received his 4S military service deferrals during the Vietnam era from a podiatrist who leased an office from Fred C. Trump and owed him a favor. That's where the "Bonespurs" moniker originated.
The Borowitz Report: Trump Sends Barron to Podiatrist
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-sends-barron-to-podiatrist
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a nationally televised address Saturday night, Donald J. Trump announced that he had ordered his son Barron to visit a podiatrist.
“My fellow Americans, earlier this evening, at my command, Barron saw a podiatrist,” said Trump, flanked by JD Vance, Marco Rubio, and Pete Hegseth. “I am pleased to announce that he has returned home safely.”
“Barron’s mission was to obtain a note from the doctor,” Trump added. “Mission accomplished.”
Minutes after the speech, a new poll showed that a majority of Americans favor dropping Donald Trump on Iran.
- short article, no more at link -
“My fellow Americans, earlier this evening, at my command, Barron saw a podiatrist,” said Trump, flanked by JD Vance, Marco Rubio, and Pete Hegseth. “I am pleased to announce that he has returned home safely.”
“Barron’s mission was to obtain a note from the doctor,” Trump added. “Mission accomplished.”
Minutes after the speech, a new poll showed that a majority of Americans favor dropping Donald Trump on Iran.
Historic context is that Chump received his 4S military service deferrals during the Vietnam era from a podiatrist who leased an office from Fred C. Trump and owed him a favor. That's where the "Bonespurs" moniker originated.
June 21, 2025
Spotlight PA link: https://www.spotlightpa.org/news/2025/06/erie-black-wall-street-homeownership-pennsylvania-greenwood-tulsa/
PA Local Heroes: Meet the community organizer helping boost Black homeownership rates
Spotlight PA link: https://www.spotlightpa.org/news/2025/06/erie-black-wall-street-homeownership-pennsylvania-greenwood-tulsa/
Erie’s Black Wall Street started off as a Facebook group to bring the area’s Black community together. In the late 2010s, Kyra Taylor, co-founder of the group alongside her friends Angelica Spraggins and DaVona Pacley, used the page to connect local businesses and share events, the name paying tribute to the Greenwood District of Tulsa, Oklahoma.
But when they saw a financial outlet list Erie as one of the “worst cities” for Black people to live based on certain economic stats, the trio was inspired to expand their community-building, Taylor told PA Local.
“We are the type of people … we’re not going to complain about a problem without offering a solution,” she said.
In 2020, they turned Erie’s Black Wall Street into a nonprofit, of which Taylor is currently the executive director. It has since “ballooned and blossomed,” she told PA Local. Its small staff — many of whom “donate their time” and put in work beyond the number of hours they work on paper, Taylor said — run initiatives that aid prospective homeowners, foster entrepreneurship, and more.
- more at link -
But when they saw a financial outlet list Erie as one of the “worst cities” for Black people to live based on certain economic stats, the trio was inspired to expand their community-building, Taylor told PA Local.
“We are the type of people … we’re not going to complain about a problem without offering a solution,” she said.
In 2020, they turned Erie’s Black Wall Street into a nonprofit, of which Taylor is currently the executive director. It has since “ballooned and blossomed,” she told PA Local. Its small staff — many of whom “donate their time” and put in work beyond the number of hours they work on paper, Taylor said — run initiatives that aid prospective homeowners, foster entrepreneurship, and more.
June 19, 2025
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/she-kicked-trumps-ass
AB's link for ordering book: https://bookshop.org/a/109008/9781250381682
The Borowitz Report: She Kicked Trump's Ass
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/she-kicked-trumps-ass
At a time when so many people and institutions fearfully bow to America’s senile wannabe king, we need more heroes like E. Jean Carroll.
That’s why I’m excited to announce that her just-published memoir, Not My Type: One Woman vs. a President, is the inaugural selection of TBR Book Club.
I hope you’ll consider reading the book, which is already getting rave reviews. You can help support local independent bookstores by ordering it here [link provided] and not on Amazon.
Screenshot
How will TBR Book Club work? Next week I’ll host a live chat where you’ll be able to offer your questions for E. Jean. (You don’t have to have read the book by then—any questions you have for her are welcome.)
Then, later in the week, I’ll pose your questions to E. Jean when she’s my very special guest on The Andy Borowitz Show! I’m really looking forward to being in this book club with you. Happy reading!
- more at link -
That’s why I’m excited to announce that her just-published memoir, Not My Type: One Woman vs. a President, is the inaugural selection of TBR Book Club.
I hope you’ll consider reading the book, which is already getting rave reviews. You can help support local independent bookstores by ordering it here [link provided] and not on Amazon.
Screenshot
How will TBR Book Club work? Next week I’ll host a live chat where you’ll be able to offer your questions for E. Jean. (You don’t have to have read the book by then—any questions you have for her are welcome.)
Then, later in the week, I’ll pose your questions to E. Jean when she’s my very special guest on The Andy Borowitz Show! I’m really looking forward to being in this book club with you. Happy reading!
AB's link for ordering book: https://bookshop.org/a/109008/9781250381682
June 18, 2025
I'm sure Chump is scrambling to find a way to take all the credit for this deal that's been 2 years in the making.
Done deal: The sale of U.S. Steel to Nippon Steel is complete
Source: Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
The deal is sealed. Japanese steelmaker Nippon Steel Corp. is the proud new owner of a 125-year Pittsburgh institution, U.S. Steel Corp.
The two companies on Wednesday morning announced that the $14.9 billion sale, first inked in December 2023 and put through a bruising political wringer, has closed and Nippon has assumed control. The deal delivers $55 per share to current U.S. Steel shareholders. The company’s stock stopped trading on Wednesday and is being delisted from the New York Stock Exchange.
The deal hinged on the companies signing a national security agreement with the U.S. government which includes conditions that, until now, have only been hinted at by President Donald Trump and other politicians over the past few weeks.
They include: Investing $11 billion over the next three years into U.S. Steel’s existing facilities and staring construction on a new mini mill that would be completed after 2028 with an additional $3 billion; keeping the company incorporated in the U.S. and headquartered in Pittsburgh; having U.S. citizens comprise the majority of board of directors, and having a CEO, CFO, general counsel, and a senior VP with responsibility for production, manufacturing, and raw materials supply be U.S. citizens; and “U.S. Steel will maintain capacity to produce and supply steel from its U.S. production locations to meet market demand in the U.S.... and Nippon Steel will not prevent, prohibit, or otherwise interfere with U.S. Steel’s ability to pursue trade action under U.S. law.”
Read more: https://www.post-gazette.com/business/powersource/2025/06/18/us-steel-nippon-trump-golden-share/stories/202506180031
I'm sure Chump is scrambling to find a way to take all the credit for this deal that's been 2 years in the making.
June 8, 2025
The Borowitz Report has run this poll for over a month, whittling down the final candidates for America's Top Traitor. For most of that time, McConnell had a lock on the win, among those who voted in this poll. (It was only open to paid subscribers of The Borowitz Report, and I'm one of them.)
I think we can all agree that Mitch McConnell is the Puke's Puke....
The Borowitz Report: America's Top Traitor: It's Official!
Link: https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/americas-top-traitor-its-official
After weeks of profiling the most heinous quislings of Trump’s fascist regime, I asked you, TBR readers, to choose the worst of the worst.
The ensuing vote was democracy at its finest, with over twenty thousand of you participating. Here is the final result, plus comments from readers explaining their choice of America’s Top Traitor:
Congratulations, Mitch McConnell —you are the most despicable quisling of them all!
In the final round of voting, Mitch faced a formidable opponent, Stephen Miller, but managed to run away with the contest, garnering roughly twice as many votes as the man known as Pee-wee German.
- more at link -
The ensuing vote was democracy at its finest, with over twenty thousand of you participating. Here is the final result, plus comments from readers explaining their choice of America’s Top Traitor:
Congratulations, Mitch McConnell —you are the most despicable quisling of them all!
In the final round of voting, Mitch faced a formidable opponent, Stephen Miller, but managed to run away with the contest, garnering roughly twice as many votes as the man known as Pee-wee German.
The Borowitz Report has run this poll for over a month, whittling down the final candidates for America's Top Traitor. For most of that time, McConnell had a lock on the win, among those who voted in this poll. (It was only open to paid subscribers of The Borowitz Report, and I'm one of them.)
I think we can all agree that Mitch McConnell is the Puke's Puke....
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Name: KathyGender: Female
Hometown: Pittsburgh PA
Home country: USA
Current location: Pittsburgh
Member since: Sat Feb 18, 2017, 02:16 PM
Number of posts: 37,674