Alan Greenspan has died at the age of 100.

My students don’t recognize his name but you probably do. When he was chairman of the Federal Reserve — for more than 18 years, from August 11, 1987 to January 31, 2006 — he not only ran the U.S. (and most of the world’s) economy but was also in many ways the most powerful person in America.

He maintained an iron grip over the Fed, and almost single-handedly decided on interest rates. But that was just the start of his power. He essentially fired George H. W. Bush by raising interest rates so high (ostensibly to ward off the inflation then threatening the economy) that the economy took a dive, and voters blamed Bush.

This was enough to convince my boss, Bill Clinton, to do exactly what Greenspan wanted — which was to reduce the federal budget deficit and thereby destroy much of the agenda Clinton ran on (and I helped create). As I wrote in my memoir of those years, Locked in the Cabinet, “Greenspan has the most important grip in town: Bill’s balls, in the palm of his hand."

I don’t want to speak ill of anyone who has passed. Greenspan was an extremely charming, intelligent, and thoughtful man. But the truth must be told: If any single person was responsible for the financial crisis of 2008, it was Greenspan. That crisis — the worst collapse since 1929, which led to the worst recession in decades, in which millions of Americans lost their jobs, savings, and even their homes — resulted from the deregulation of Wall Street that Greenspan advocated.

Greenspan pushed Clinton and Congress to repeal the Glass-Steagall Act, which since the Depression decade of the 1930s had separated investment banking from commercial banking, thereby preventing banks from gambling with personal savings. He also argued vigorously against regulating derivatives — essentially, financial bets on financial bets — that proved to be weapons of mass financial destruction.

Greenspan finally acknowledged that the crisis caused him to rethink his free market ideology. “I have found a flaw,” he told a congressional committee. “I made a mistake in presuming that the self-interest of organizations, specifically banks and others, were such that they were best capable of protecting their own shareholders and their equity in the firms …. I was shocked.”

Shocked? Shocked that the free market would succumb to greed, self-dealing, betting, and fraud? Shocked that decades of deregulation of Wall Street would plunge the nation and the world into crisis? Please. ...

Referring to the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall, Minnesota governor Tim Walz commented on X: “Found an imaginary problem, said only they could fix it, didn’t listen to experts, hired buddies who grifted millions, failed miserably, bragged how great it went. The entire Trump presidency in a nutshell.” (Walz could have added: “blamed others for his failure, conjured up a conspiracy, then prosecuted them.”)

One remarkable aspect of Trump’s horrendous reign is how many crises and problems he’s brought on himself — created them out of thin air. Then he brags about how well he’s handled them. And when they go wrong — as they inevitably do — he casts blame on others or on his political opponents.

Four examples from the last few days:

I. The Return of Operation Metro Surge

U.S. prosecutors in Minnesota on Tuesday announced charges against 15 people they say conspired to “violently oppose immigration law enforcement.”

But when repeatedly questioned by the press, U.S. Attorney Daniel Rosen failed to describe a single example of injuries to federal agents.

Rosen has a dubious track record with this kind of prosecution. In the months after “Operation Metro Surge,” launched by the Trump regime last December, federal prosecutors charged three dozen Minnesotans in a first wave of cases allegedly involving assaulting or impeding federal immigration agents. Most were dismissed or downgraded.

So why is Minnesota’s U.S. attorney announcing new charges? Rosen’s predecessor as U.S. attorney, Joseph Thompson, said he doesn’t understand it. “I think most people, on both of the sides of the political aisle, viewed [Metro Surge] as a disaster for the administration,” Thompson told The Wall Street Journal. “Why you would want to go back and re-litigate this is beyond me.”

One clue lies in the timing of the new charges — coming just two weeks after the John F. Kennedy Library awarded its 2026 Profiles in Courage Award to the people of the Twin Cities for their resistance to Operation Metro Surge....
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II. Trump’s Unending War in Iran
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III. Prices Continue to Rise
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IV. The Reflecting Pool Worsens
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Desperate to distract from the algae overwhelming the expensively-renovated Reflecting Pool, on Monday Donald J. Trump ordered Marco Rubio to skinny-dip in the green murk.

Reportedly, Rubio was taken aback by the extraordinary demand, but Trump roared, “Little Marco, you’ve got to take one for the team.”

By mid-morning, tourists gawking at the pool fiasco were stunned to see the Secretary of State doing a backstroke entirely naked except for his oversized Florsheims, which he appeared to be using as flippers.

Harland Dorrinson, who had traveled with his family from Akron, Ohio, initially recoiled at the sight of the nude Rubio, but later noted, “At least it wasn’t JD.”

Now that the US and Iran have signed a “memorandum of understanding,” it’s a good time to ask: what has Trump’s war accomplished?

There are two schools of thought. The Trump administration and MAGA loyalists insist that the war was an unmitigated triumph. The rest of the country (and the world) believe the war was a humiliating dumpster fire that has permanently tarnished America’s reputation.

In the interest of fairness, TBR has conducted a rigorous analysis of other American conflicts in order to objectively determine how the Iran war stacks up. Below are the White House press statements we believe this administration would have issued if Trump had presided over those wars:

The Revolutionary War

The Continental Army (the greatest militia in the world!) fought valiantly at the Battle of Yorktown and achieved TOTAL VICTORY over the British Army. Sure, George Washington was captured five minutes into the battle. And sure, we had to give up twelve of the thirteen colonies to get him back. But the United State of Delaware (by far the best colony) is now a FULLY INDEPENDENT nation.

The War of 1812

After starting the war with British Canada two years ago, the United States has now annexed the entire Canadian territory. The new unified country will officially be known as Canada, the capital will be Ottawa, and King George will be on all of our currency. But, other than that, the British completely capitulated.

The Civil War

Negotiations between the Union and the Confederacy are going extremely well and we are very close to striking a deal with the confederates to end this war. The only small detail left to work out is whether slavery should be legal or not.

World War I

We successfully took out Franz Ferdinand (VERY BAD GUY!), which started the first-ever global war. In response, the German Empire has blockaded the English Channel and is charging 2 million Marks per ship to cross. But, since we don’t see Germany getting any more powerful in the coming decades, we’re content to leave the situation as-is.

World War 2

We’re writing from peace talk headquarters in New Dusseldorf (formerly known as New York City) with great news -- World War 2 is over! After thirty years, the allies and the axis powers have agreed to stop fighting. Negotiations with Hitler Jr. are still ongoing, but we’re confident that the Nazi-occupied territory east of the Mississippi, and the Japanese-occupied territory west of the Mississippi will be returned to the United States soon enough....