A moment that changed me: my 11-year-old daughter received an unwanted compliment – and I taught her how to respond
At a party, a man looked my child up and down in admiration, before praising her looks. I saw her visibly shrink. So I taught her the value of bad manners

...

Then came the party. My daughter was no longer a little girl but an 11-year-old. Sparkling in a midnight-blue jumpsuit, she was excited about dancing and cake. Together, we mingled with family, friends and strangers. A man in his 70s approached us: a kind-faced, jolly type who was delighted with the surprisingly good weather and his gin. Then, without prompting, he ran his eyes the length of my daughter.

“You’re a very attractive young lady, aren’t you?”

Technically, his question was merely a variation on the compliments we had exchanged with other women and girls at the party just minutes before. But I felt the mood shift.

My daughter’s smile became awkward. Suddenly everything about her – her dipped head, her flushed cheeks, her shoulders, which curled a fraction to make her seem ever so slightly smaller – conveyed a sense of embarrassment and shame.

...

I continue to teach my daughter not to smile or say thank you in the face of unwanted compliments. And if she is perceived as bad mannered, I’m OK with that. Men’s egos are no longer the priority. And what is? My daughter – discovering her own self-worth.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/mar/26/a-moment-that-changed-me-my-11-year-old-daughter-received-unwanted-compliment-i-taught-her-how-to-respond